Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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