By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize