not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
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Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
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She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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