the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
