Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
