I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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