i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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