if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
