I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
