And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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