I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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