why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
