Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
