I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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