the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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