I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
