I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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