cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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