The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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