I puked a lego.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
