My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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