Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
