Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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