Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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