I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
