1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
being pregnant is like rehab
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
