ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sobbing to NWA
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize