the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
wow bdsm is so cute
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
