I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
These tits shall not be calmed
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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