Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
