you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
