a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
