You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
