college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
