I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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