I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
