so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
