Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
