dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
