ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
