Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
