You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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