so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
