is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
