Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize