I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
