she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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