i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
