Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
