Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
