I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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