this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
