When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
