New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
