I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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