nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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