5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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