I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
