yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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