I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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