I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
