I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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