why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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