i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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