they need to just BURY HIM!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
